492 replies to this topic

[Mongo]

I started watching 'The 8-Limbed Boy' on Channel 5.

Stopped watching when I realised it wasn't a documentary about Norfolk.

[s70t5chris]

In Norfolk, they are thinking of decreasing the VAT to 11%.

At least then they can work it out on their fingers.

[Gregs T5R]

s70t5chris, on 06 October 2011 - 21:27 , said:

In Norfolk, they are thinking of decreasing the VAT to 11%.

At least then they can work it out on their fingers.

Hey you!!!!!!!

Its actually 22%!!!! you forgot the southern north sector of norfolk for those who don't have webbed feet!

[Mongo]

Paul McCartney had hoped that Nancy Shevell would be a little more respectful of his hard-earned fortune, but she's already splashed out twice as much on wedding shoes as Heather Mills...

[Mongo]

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

[Keyser Soze]

A Texan Is drinking in a New York Bar. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Texan baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Texan baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you ... so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born. The Texan father takes a slow swig from his Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

[Keyser Soze]

Steve Bruce is one lucky bugger!!

He lost his job on the last day of November but on the first day of December he landed a new job as all department stores are looking for a fat man with a big red face and lots of experience of wearing Red, White and Black!!

[PEAKUNDER]

Edited by PEAKUNDER, 22 December 2011 - 12:20 .

[tingymagig]

skip to 1:30

[grin factor]

Two blonds in a travel agents. One blonde says, "Which is further, the moon or Florida?"
The other one says " Er hellooo, can you see Florida?

A primary school teacher was taking an english lesson and asked the children to give her a sentence with the word contagious in it. Peter stood up and said, my sister has measles and my mum says its contagious. Well done says the teacher. Then Mary stands up and says, my gran has the flu and I'm not to see while she has because its contagious. Very good says the teacher, anyone else? Janet stands up and in her finest Irish accent says, our neighbour is painting his house with a 2" brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious

[V70Ben]

[John Spratling]

I recon you get all the others! that's 362 days!

:-)

J.

[tingymagig]